Change of Plans..

After many tears, fasting, and prayer, I ended up back at home. .... I'm still trying to cope with everything, and it's been really hard for me to leave the MTC, but I knew it was what I needed to do, here's why: My Third Week at the MTC- I woke up from a strange dream. I was at home greeting my older brother who just returned from his mission, which I thought was weird because I wouldn't get home for another 7 months after he got home. I thought when I woke up, maybe something is wrong with my family, that both of us would be home? I tried to ignore the feelings and thoughts that were going through my mind, because it was just dream. Well, it happened to be my preparation day so we all went to the Temple. During the whole duration of the Temple session, I couldn't stop thinking about it. I was so worried about my family, and hoping that everything was alright. I sent my mom and email asking if anything was going on, and if everyone was safe, she responded the next day and told me everything was fine. So that was a relief, however I still had so many thoughts that came to mind like, "Why was I home before my brother?" and then another thought, "Do I need to be home?" And immediately after that thought came into my head I tried to get it out. I didn't even want to think about coming home, because I loved SO much what I was doing and where I was. Sure, it's hard. Sure, you have little communication from family and friends, but I loved every minute of it. It was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be learning in such an environment where you had no worldly influences around to distract you. You were completely dedicated to the work, and the Spirit there is incredible. So I ignored that thought. The next day I still felt so strange, so I got on my knees and prayed like I've never prayed before, asking, "Do I need to be home?" And I can't even describe to you the way I felt after I prayed. You read in the Scriptures how if you pray for something that is right you'll feel a burning in your bosom, something like that. Never in my life have I experienced that burning before, until then. I seriously felt like there was a fire going on inside of me. I was overwhelmed with peace, comfort, and warmth, rather than the confusion I was feeling before. It took a minute for me to register everything, and being the emotional wreck that I am, started to cry because I already knew what my answer was, and it wasn't what I wanted.. at all. I didn't want to jump into anything just then, so for the next week I fasted every other day, prayed more than I've ever prayed before, attended the temple every week, and did everything I could so that maybe I'd get a different answer. It never came. I talked to all of my leaders, teachers, and other missionaries in my zone. My Coordinating Sister shared with me experiences where she had three friends who all had promptings to go home, and everything worked out for them as they obeyed the prompting. They all soon found out why they were prompted to go home, and were so grateful they listened. She then told me that I needed to follow what I knew was right. My teachers told me the same thing. They trusted me, and knew that I didn't just want to go home because it was too hard or I missed my family and wanted to be home with them. They truly felt that the right thing for me to do was to trust in the Lord, and do whatever he asks. I talked to the District President, he talked to my parents, and trusted that I would make the right decision. To make a long story a little shorter, this whole process went on for about 3 weeks. I was able to talk with my parents on the phone, and they told me to wait it out until the end of the MTC, and see if anything would change. I agreed, mostly because I realllly wanted to stay, and I knew that's what my parents wanted me to do too. Although, I felt guilty knowing then that I needed to go home. But the next day I get a letter from my parents saying that they have been thinking, praying, and pondering about my situation and what I needed to do, and came to conclusion that if I knew exactly what I needed to do, I needed to do it. The Lord works in mysterious ways, and we don't always understand the 'why' at first, but you just have to put all of your trust in the Lord, that by obeying Him you will be blessed. So, when my parents got home from their vacation they came to pick me up. And here I am. Embarrassed to be home, mostly because I worry too much about what people think, and I know a lot of them will talk and make up their own assumptions of why I cam home. It's been so hard for me to cope with this. I've been through a lot of difficult trials in my life, but this one is by far the hardest. I've never wanted something so much, just to find out a month later that the Lord has different plans for me. I don't know what His plans are, but his ways are higher than mine. I put my complete trust in Him, and I know that He'll come through to bear me up. So, to sum this all up- I didn't come home because I was unworthy, selfish, lazy, or missed my family. I came home because I knew without a shadow of a doubt that it's what the Lord wanted me to do. Lessons Learned- We don't always understand the reason 'why' but I know that by following and trusting in the Lord, he will let us know why in His own due time. I've learned so much in the short 6 weeks I was in the MTC. I've learned the importance of reading and studying your scriptures every day. I've learned that prayer and fasting is so important. I've learned that I need to increase my faith in the Lord, and never to doubt. I've made so many life-long friends. Friends that I know will help me through thick and thin. I can't even begin to tell you how I've grown so much closer to the Lord this past month. It was an incredible learning experience for me, and I'm looking into the future with a bright attitude not knowing what I need to do yet, but knowing that everything will be just fine. D&C 6:36- Look unto me in every thought. Doubt not, fear not.