My Life is Average

www.mylifeisaverage.com is the best website I've ever visited. Makes my day everytime I read the posts. I've tried to get my posts published, but apparently they aren't average enough. Anyway, I've posted some of my favorites.. so enjoy!

Today, while waiting for our classroom, we realized the door was jammed and the class before us was locked inside. After a team of maintenance men with drills and hammers, two administrators with master keys, and one janitor trying to pry it open with a crowbar, the quiet kid in my class took a running leap and karate kicked the door. Guess who got it open?

A fortnight ago I finally solved my rubiks cube. I waited two weeks to post this so that I could use the word fortnight.

Today, I went to the store and bought some Land o Lakes cheese. On the label, it said 'LOL Cheese'. I laughed

Today, I decided to tan on the balcony. I took my top off and my neighbor came out and saw me. He's a guy. So am I. We greeted each other

Today I won a million dollars, but I closed out of the pop-up anyway

Today, as I was waiting on line at a store, I noticed the cashier had a British accent. When it was my turn, I faked a British accent in conversation. He asked me where I was from, so I admitted that I was faking. His British accent disappeared as he said, "Me too."

Today, my boss passed me in the hall at work and asked me "Do you have a sec?". I was trying to be flippant and replied "I have tons of secs". We both pretended I didn't say that.

Today, my boyfriend asked me what I was thinking. I told him I was considering healthcare plans. In reality, I was wondering what it would be like to be an octopus. It would be awesome.

Today, I began writing a paper that is due tomorrow morning. Instead of writing today's date in the header, I wrote the date it was three days ago to make it seem like I didn't start this last minute

Today, I asked waiter for a chocolate shake. He laughed at me and proceded to jump up and down. He was black. Needless to say he got an awesome tip

Today, while driving to school, the Spice Girls "Wannabe" came on the radio. I began singing loudly and dancing in my seat when I pulled up to a red light. I looked to my right and saw my physics teacher,also singing loudly to the song. We made eye contact. It was awkward. We are both guys

Today, my 6 year-old daughter was asking me questions about Santa Claus at dinner. My 13 year-old daughter was getting annoyed with all the dumb questions and simply told her younger sister that Santa didn't exist. Instead of being aghast and upset, my younger daughter just said, "Yea but neither does Edward Cullen!" My older daughter left the dinner table and I think its easy to say who won tonight

Today, I used a cheap store-brand pregnancy test just for fun, and it came out positive. I'm both male and a virgin, but I'd be simply thrilled to have a baby

Today, I was trying to be productive and was some what succeeding. That is until I got a text from my little sister ask me what blind people dream about. Homework didn't stand a chance after that. I'm still thinking about it.

Today, I bought some toilet paper and noticed that the side of the package said, "Now flushable." I'm now afraid that I've been using it wrong all these years.

Today, I asked the people in my row in law class if they heard a strange buzzing noise. After five minutes, I had six people agreeing that they heard it. There was no buzzing noise

Today, for dinner I ordered pizza online. There was a box to type in any special requests. I wrote in "Delivery guy must beatbox." When I got my pizza, the delievery guy beatboxed all of Sexy Back. I have new faith in my local pizza places.

Today, I had to stop for a pedestrian in the crosswalk. The pedestrian was a chicken. I'm not sure if I'm more excited by the fact that I saw a chicken cross the road, or that he was smart enough to use the crosswalk

Two weeks ago, after battling leukemia for 4 years, my sixteen-year-old son, Erik, passed away. For the last 3 months, he read MLIA everyday, and it made him laugh, gave him something to talk about other than his prognoses, medical issues or anything else cancer-related. This site, he said, made him feel more average. Thank you, My Life Is Average.

*MLIA is the bomb. and my therapy.